DorothyMarieKucera's World

Alzheimer Mother Suddenly Interested in Foreign Leader Interview?!

While working in the kitchen yesterday, I noticed that Mother was listening to some political interview.  I walked in to inquire if she was interested or wanted another program.  Normally, Mother complains intensely about how much she "hates politics because when I grew up, relatives always argued during the whole meal at our table!"  She thinks she hates history but the reality is that her life was steeped in amazing politics of her generation back in the 1920s and 30s and forward.  Her family was "history."  Mother has an uncle who was a reporter, relatives who were in the Wars and a Mayflower relative who made all of the legal arrangements for the Mayflower ship to come over, then joined them in the Plymouth community one year later, becoming a major community leader who has an impressive tall monument up high on "Burial Hill" in that Massachussetts town.

As I observed Mother's face, it seemed like she was really tracking with the interview.  As I turned my attention to it, I was shocked to see that what Mother was really watching wa the new President of Russia as he was speaking.  Since she has so much trouble hearing now, always very angry when she cannot make out the words of various television actors or speakers, I wondered what was drawing her to a foreign language about which she knew nothing? 

Suddenly, I realized what was appealing to her.  The TRANSLATOR was speaking in a very, slow, distinct voice which was enabling Mother to "keep up" with them.  I am always trying to find programs that have that special combination of interest for Mother plus men's voices that are easier for her to hear.  I have learned to direct her to cable channel 16 where various educational programs often air.  They talk slower, also.

However, Mother listening intently to a political discussion?  It just blew me away to see it; never thought that day would come!

Copyright by Dorothy Marie Kucera, Omaha, NE  11.17.08  Please do not use without my written permission. 

Mother much better just one day...relief!

Earlier, I wrote about Mother having a terrible time getting into trouble, angry, always negative.  The very next day she could not have been sweeter and more content....the entire day.  Crocheted or watched television happily all day.  This roller coaster with her ups and downs and rushing to "fix" it all the time left me exhausted, evidently.

I got absolutely nothing of value done that entire next day.  Time to regroup and refuel. 

Sure enough, she started in again this morning as soon as I walked out to help her start her day.  One begins to wonder if my presence in her Alzheimer world room is rattling her?  Also, when I come to "help," to her it means she might be observed failing or doing something dangerous to herself.  On the other hand, if left alone too long, she really gets paranoid and accuses me of all manner of things.

Alzheimer patients do not let you "win" very often.  Smile.  It makes me wonder how all of this experience will come in handy later? It was really neat, though, to have her so happy all day Wednesday.  I was grateful for God's intervention and answer to prayer.  Some of the behavior problems are in the realm of Satan attacking her mind, so prayer is the only thing that helps that situation. 

Also, I was able to analyze other aspects of my caregiving...would this or that help?  From the psychology perspective, I need to be careful how I "catch" her doing all manner of things now; she is tiring of always being "wrong" but when she demands an answer of me, I cannot lie.  So we have a lot of "causes" here including her lack of blood flow to the brain, her usual Alzheimer condition worsening and her diabetic high glucose level at times, perhaps.  Her doctor and I talked today about how toxic her liver has to be now, along with her kidneys, from years of so many pharmaceuticals.  Her kidney GFR function is much worse than mine was and I asked the doctor how in the world her liver and kidneys could be filtering all this time? Mother does not swell up supersize anywhere in her body like I do when my kidneys cannot keep up with incoming food or beverages.  Doctor said people are different.  Maybe the anger is the backup of toxicity in her organs?  No patience for anything. Then she gets "corrected" which is not fair when it is not her fault but physiological in origin.

Doctor had once explained to me that people get really nasty with their mouth and irritable when their livers are toxic.  There is such a thing as a Liver and Gallbladder Cleanse but it would never be possible with Mother due to her confusion and hatred of anything bad tasting.

Being a caregiver in this particular patient scenario that has so many complicated facets to it is really demanding.  You simply have to evaluate every single behavioral thing day and night to make sense of it, correct it where possible and prevent worse emotional flareups from beginning which only jack everyone's blood pressure up.

When the doctor ordered some natural medicine tonight, she said it would make Mother feel much happier "and that will make everyone else in the home happy."  Smile.  She is a very wise doctor and has meant much to us.  She knows how to help the whole family in very practical ways to bring relief to us.

Thanks for praying, everyone!

Copyright by Dorothy Marie Kucera, Omaha, NE  11.13.08  Please do not use without written permission.

Making Progress these Days!

How wonderful to feel so much better again as long as I take two of my remedies each day.  All else is "as needed" now.  I have been catching up on all manner of house projects left unattended for so many months when I had no energy, kidney disease getting worse and heart problems

The Fun List of Progress:

1.  Setting up the file drawer for "House" related files, including all of my manuals, some a victory to find again!  Just one former "Warranties" binder, a thick one, is on the floor near the file cabinet, awaiting another day to sort and toss and then integrate into the new file folders.  I am trying to arrange everything so it is real easy for my guys to find if something happens to me.  They are not the "organized" sort, so the way I have such a vast library and all manner of notations spread in all types of places, they would go crazy trying to find needed info quickly.

2.  Pulling off papers or books on two of the larger bookshelves in the room our son uses when he comes home to visit and reorganizing things so the overall look is much less cluttered.  I did that on nearby open but narrow bookshelves, also.  I had cleaned up bins and items stacked on floors, to be sorted, a few months ago so I am getting close to finishing all such sorting projects in that room.  It makes me feel good that when our son sleeps in there now, the view is more orderly.  I love to step back and just survey my "little kingdom of orderliness" whenever I manage it!

3.  Research to find the Calorie accountability site this afternoon, even though doctor later said to not worry about it due to complicated medical conditions fighting one another. A seminar she went to explained that with diabetics, cutting back calories is not doing what they had hoped.  Initial weight loss is sudddenly replaced by a raging hormone collection in that "O" fat in front of the abdomen that actually turns into an endocrine gland.  That is fairly recent medical research that has shocked doctors.  So she advised me to try and get more variety in healthier foods as opposed to radical cutting back.  The main purpose of joining this online group is to analyze just how much "extra" I am taking in everyday so I replace the bad choices with better choices and stay focused on it.  If I could lose so many inches this past summer during the height of the kidney disease problem, I should be able to do it again and hopefully keep going. I cannot exercise due to a ruined ankle ligament, I cannot eat animal protein to feel full and with asthma, I am limited from dairy products, etc.  Doc wants me to find Spanish cheese that is the only one served over there and a real Greek Feta Cheese made from goat's cheese that is in the dry, crumbled form.  Whole Foods Market does not sell it in that form, only in a wet, messy tube form.  I have been craving cow's milk Feta Cheese which is dry and crumbled, easy to grab and she wants more calcium from foods in my diet in those two forms which are easier on asthma.

Anyhow, I am very pleased with this new site.  It has a lot of neat tools on it but you have to pay to get the food calorie counter.  Sigh.  I will still have to drag out my older NUTRITION ALMANAC and copy all of the foods down with matching calorie and sodium count.  That is okay.  It is a start.  They had me record my favorite healthy foods and my "favorite guilt foods" today.  I enjoyed it, especially the latter category. Chuckle.

4.  I researched "Contemporary Cabinets" today and am pleased to announce that I have finally found the "look" I want for the walls to store books.  It is a European cabinetry site.  No clue as to cost; has to be high.  I may try to use something cheaper and just buy their contemporary "doors" if I can custom fit it.  Doubt that will work, knowing how badly we do measurements around here these days!  I am pleased that God put the word "cabinets" in my mind instead of "shelving units" because I was trying to figure out how to put an edge on shelves so they would not slide off and how to enclose them to stay dustproof.  One does not normally think of "kitchen cabinets" when looking at a living room wall and walls on either side of our cathedral high front entry walls. 

5.  I am SO focused now on rescuing ALL of my books and putting up enclosed cabinets on wall space wherever I can find a decent place to do so for my extensive library.  It drives me crazy as a writer and teacher to not have immediate access to all of those books and articles to find needed reference information. As an asthmatic, though, we are not allowed "dust catching" items in homes and with my Alzheimer patients, they go ballistic if there are too many "variables" in their visual field. 

With my own love of art surging deeply these days, I want a sharp frosted color look door to close in the books.  I spent time today sketching wall spaces where certain categories of books could go. It would sure help if I had an accurate count of how many books and I need to purchase cases to enclose articles.  I have a total librarian's accumulation.  Everything from aviation to water.  God helped me get smarter; instead of trying to arrange all books alphabetically by category, going from kitchen to living room down to front entry, I began thinking of pulling the larger categories out and putting them on one wall by themselves. All other shelves are alphabetical.  And I alphabetize the books in each of the major categories.

What surprises me is that I have such a large science library now.  Who would have thought this would be an enjoyable field for me several years ago?  My cookbooks, entire kg-12th student and teacher texts, my interior design and medical libraries are the other huge categories.  I want all cookbooks up high on top of white cabinets over our stove/counters' area but then I thought about fire danger if the stove caught food on fire.  Then I began wondering if I could find more fireproof cabinets for up there?  None of this is easy when you simply do not have a large enough house to do what you really need to do with a library.  Throwing books out or giving them away is nearly unbearable to me.  I recall a verse that says "Buy the truth and sell it not."  I AM an "information" person; it has become my identity. I love sharing resource information or being able to verify some small detail myself.  I just want to be sure the books are covered yet the rooms do not "close in on me."  I love the spacious cathedral ceilings and expansive wall spaces in odd shapes in the front of this house.  I hate to cover all of it up perhaps ruining the aesthetics.  Thus the contemporary cabinetry is a must.  I found exactly what I wanted, so that was a thrill!

All I need now is money to do all of this and someone to install it.  Smile.  I hope this fervor dies down soon if there is no money to do it now! It is better to do projects in stages but since life is unexpected and moves faster now, I have the sense of "hurry, hurry, NOW before Mother or I have another emergency!"  Dangerous.  "Haste makes waste" and I have surely had enough experience in that dismal approach to projects in life.  The older we get, the less patience we have, I think.

6.  God helped me remember that I could buy a toboggan (to drag the generator through tons of snow or  etc. ice this winter from garage to back newly paved area) from LLBean!  So I hope to research that yet. We are not seeing anything locally yet but perhaps we need to take time to check out toy stores and hardware stores this weekend?  I hate to run distances for nothing, especially when dragging poor Mother along to do it!  A bit unsure if we will get snow soon or not.  They are talking about it. That could rule out ANY Saturday trips for a long time to come.

7.  Husband got the two gas cans filled last week which I just rejoiced to find out!

8.  I am thinking of NOT having him put up outside lights this year; the ice storms were so ferocious last winter that it is not good to have plugs and wires subjected to it and dangerous to take that stuff down.  Instead, I think it is time to do just inside lighting effects and I have some ideas to make it easier for him.  Also, I do not think our tall Xmas tree will fit upstairs this year in the new living room configuration that became necessary.  I feel very hesitant this time, this particular year.  News threatens other events possible so perhaps the Lord is "clearing the decks" for me to make life simpler.

Oh, in that regard of streamlining the home, I have a NEW idea about where to move downstairs items and some garage items as I move books back indoors again.  I purchased big, clean oil drums years ago and my, do they work fabulous to keep out all dust and moisture.  All the things I am saving that are super special keepsakes from our kid's years...I think should go in some additional oil drums if they still sell them.  Then, that table downstairs (one of two) could be used to set up my Winter Seedlings for my 2009 garden.  There is no way we can grow things anymore without giving them a running start since our seasons are so short now.  They have to be able to handle weeks and weeks of rain, stormy days, etc. 

We rescued more of our GROWING CARROTS!  Yeah!  The plan to get one more month of growing time has worked well in the cold frame over 7 styrofoam containers that held our rescued carrots from our Raised Garden Bed last month.  They are wonderfully sweet tasting carrots.  All containers but two are empty of carrots now.  Keeping the garage light on since we had to rescue them from outside the house, also.  20 degrees was a bit much to ask of them! 

9.  I have to order fabric yet and finish the "Warm Window" panels and I would like enough to order fabric for three other windows as well.  Gets expensive.  Again, wisdom re: money but I am now hearing that both gas and electricity will have rate increases, so this turning the thermostat down yet keeping it warmer in here is becoming an obsession.

10. NOT Progress:  stalled in trying to find another oil-filled radiator that is from "home" or how to repair ones that are slowly dying on us.  We really need another heater but when I checked a big home supply store recently, the salesman and I looked at EVERY box and brand and none were made in our land.

11.  I am slowly copying all of the relevant TV listings and what time they air on which channel for my mother; next I have to print them super large so she can see it.  Or just give up and keep going out to tell her every hour what she might enjoy next?  I like the "What NOT to Wear" program re:  fashion makeovers for pitiful folk like me and I had just interested Mother in it but when we tuned in today, they were doing a special on "Mrs. America Pageant" and Mother got all upset, saying, "I do NOT want to wear such fancy clothing!"

Sigh.  Mother, really.  She could not track with just being interested in what others were doing, thinking she HAD to do it herself if she even watched the show.

I am trying.  We did get special medicine today that should help calm her down and stop these tantrums.  Doctor understood right away what was needed but with Mother's many conditions, we just have to wait and see if it solves the problem of "anger management" or not.  Mother is furious that her vision is preventing her from crocheting well. She does not want anything else to distract her from continually yelling and complaining about it or forcing the crocheting to do what she wants done.  It is hard...none of us like to feel like a failure and her crocheting is the only thing she really wants to do.

12.  I thought I had typed this above but this computer instantly erases or jumps the cursor all over, changing words.  Thus the need to proofread in a larger font elsewhere before anyone gets permission to use it.  I was talking about another progress fact:  I am cooking more in the kitchen these days with new energy.  Yeah!  My husband has claimed the territory, though, and is clearly not thrilled when I suddenly join him in the evening supper prep.  He does like it when I cook all of it, then let him do the final serving after he comes home from work.  Wives, it does not get much better than this!  Mother keeps saying what a great cook he is; I taught him all of it except how to cut foods small and make a better plate presentation.  His mom excelled at dicing foods patiently.  Like mother, like son.  Smile.

I made a Tuna Au Gratin last weekend which our son used to call "Tuna Au Grotter" as a child. He wrote it up as a recipe with that spelling when ten years old.  He is a good cook; he made the best French Onion soup for my birthday gift years ago as a teenager. Another time, he cooked a whole Valentine's Dinner, complete with menus typed out, for my husband and me.  Last week, he called, looking for a "burnt sugar frosting" recipe for chocolate cupcakes he was making for friends who were coming over.  I did not know of such a thing and he actually wanted just the flavoring but since stores out there did not carry it, we suggested he look online so he made it from scratch.  They were doing something different, having a younger movie..."Charlie and the Chocolate Factory."  I thought that was just the coolest thing, having a "Theme Movie & Dessert" night.  I need to provide more "entertainment" Xmas gifts for him so my mind is running at high speed now in that train of thought! 

13. How could I forget our new PHOTOGRAPHS!  I did write about it elsewhere on this weblog but I made a lot of progress in sorting "tons" of antique and more current photos that came our way two weeks ago.  I want to be sure Mother re-sees all of them before she can no longer do so.  It provides wonderful winter projects while shut in, also.  I enjoy piecing together the family history puzzle from her.  It serves me well that she repeats information several times over, year after year.  I think I have it down pat now.  Smile.

YET TO DO:  well, my list is always long each day and rarely finished.  Last day of this work week, I need to write out three checks and "order" or bill pay notes to go with it.  I should reconcile checks but I have a list of other have-to-do items first. I am waiting for our dentist's front desk person to "remember" and call me back as to whether our son can see her on such short notice for dental cleaning in two weeks; also waiting for his instruction about various options.  He is having some discomfort with how they clean teeth where he resides now....I had never heard of the procedure before.  Oh, and I need to analyze money and see if there is enough to run errands for that fabric this Saturday for more "Warm Window" panels and enough for the outer fabric that needs to be sewn onto the batting side, showing to the world outside our house. I am working on Xmas gifts also, needing to wrap several already purchased this summer.  Getting organized early in anticipation of not being able to get out in possible December storms?

I discovered something "magnetic" about these layers of "Warm Window" fabric with no book to explain how it is designed to totally seal a window.  Saleslady offered but money was tight.  Sigh.  Not doing that; using them more as drapery gathered fabric.  It was intended to be used as a shade originally.  I am always "making do" or reinventing another use for things.  Not always the wisest course of action but affording shades and figuring all of that out was beyond me during this Alzheimer caregiving time plus 20 degree weather this past week has put a huge "rush" tag on the whole project. 

Copyright by Dorothy Marie Kucera, Omaha, NE   11.13.08  Please do not use without my written permission. Rough draft.

Photos from the 1930s through 1990s finally arrive!

The family visited recently, bringing all of Mother's photos from the past sixty years with them.  We had looked forward to this walk down Memory Lane for a long time.  With Alzheimer patients, you especially need longterm memory boosters to keep their minds active.  Mother had been asking about certain individuals from her teen years, so I was excited to see these people about whom she had talked while I grew up.  Even though Mother has lost a lot of memory and vision, I am determined to make the most of our "photo days" during which time I sort, talk her into using her neckstrap large, round lighted magnifying glass so she can see details.  Then we talk back and forth, trying to put together the puzzle of who did what when and where they are now.

I foresee these photos as a wonderful project for the entire winter before more of her mind is gone.  I am grateful to have them at all to catch those last comments of Mom's memory for what she does still retain about events.  I have plans to return photos to the family so we both have a set; I am the big photography person and organizer in the family so I hope my work on this project makes it easier for them to pass the stories on to their children or to just review it themselves on some cold day when snow keeps everyone snowbound.

The oldest photos were stored in a very familiar grey cardboardy-type of old-style train case (which I remember quite well with its matching luggage as I grew up) and all other photos are in various photo albums that Mother had put together.  I was thrilled to see a photo of "Doc Ann" whom Mother had repeatedly talked about enthusiastically the past three years.  At last I could show Mom her beloved Singing Eagle Camp leader's photo once again. That was quite a camp in Center Harbor, New Hampshire.  Mother spent two full months in a TENT each summer to escape the heat and nothing to do in NYC in those years.  She loved it and the lake.  Doc Ann was instrumental in witnessing to Mother about God's love; Mother recalls Bible studies held in that camp which had an Episcopal background.  Now I had a photo to help bring those memories back to Mother.  Wish I had a view of the whole camp.  I think Mother visited it years and years ago.  Perhaps my brother went with them that time?

My brother and I enjoyed seeing a large class photo of Mother with all of the girls at her Westover High School in Connecticut, a private school she attended for two years.  After he and his family left, I discovered another photo of one of Mother's favorite roommates from those Westover years, someone we had FOUND last year by e-mail when her estate lawyer got permission from the lady's daughter, so it was fun to e-mail a few times about the wonderful, long-standing friendship between our two mothers.  Nancy Heaton had died right around the same time Mother moved here, three years ago, so I felt badly that I did not try to find her back when Mom first began asking how she was at that time; it was a signal from the Lord to pray, the lady was in trouble.  I missed it, being consumed with transferring all of Mother's medical and legal needs to our city. 

The picture I had found was a really nice Christmas card photo of what Nancy and her husband and family looked like in recent decades, something else Mother had often mentioned, wondering what Nancy looked like "now."  I began guessing if the girl in the center with the decorative head wreath was the daughter who had written me, asking if I had any photos of the two of them during those camp years.  YES, I DID!!  Nancy and Mother and another girl named "Squeak" (Alice Noble) were all on the ROOF of some one's house.  I suspect it was Squeak's house since I recall Mother talking about being invited to a home where they had a butler and staff to cook meals, etc.  Mother ALWAYS remembers places connected with food and it was in that home that the cooks used to sneak Mother in so she could lick cake bowl beaters, leftover food, etc.  Mother really enjoyed visiting that home and said that Squeak's dad was so kind that when Mother spilled some food one day, he spilled food on his shirt, also, so she would not feel badly.  Nice people.

Personally, I was ecstatic to see some of her 1930s pictures of her as a young woman that I had never seen before, also viewing some relatives and their family friends for the first time.  I remember Mom and Grandmom talking often about those friends and the Bible says to not forget your parent's friends.  I was deeply moved by close-up photos that I or others had taken of the huge, very tall gilded mirrors in Grandmom's apartment where Mother was raised.  Grandmom offered those to me in the early 1970s when she was leaving her NYC brownstone apartment but I had no space in my one bedroom apartment nor the money to pay for shipping so I declined with great regret.  Stupid me...how I wish I had at least prayed about it so the Lord may have given me wisdom about asking for monetary help and putting them into storage here if nothing else.  I so want them now that I have twelve-foot ceilings with a wall that could hold at least one quite nicely.  If anyone living at 325 West 22nd Street in New York City reads this, please contact me if you would like to let one of those tall mirrors come back to their owners' family.  Also, the Benjamin Franklin painting in a wide, gilded frame over the couch in that living room.  Tears sprang to my eyes when I discovered photos close-up of that painting and part of one of those tall mirrors.  Mother REMEMBERS that Ben Franklin painting and mirrors, also.  She still recalls the "feather he is holding over someone's head" so it must have either amused her or provoked a lot of conversation from company dinners in that era.  Wouldn't it be great fun to secure both of those items while Mother can still recognize them?

Also, the photos of Mom and Dad's home in Florida although I had taken entire sets of photos of their place when we visited and Mother had made sets for both my brother's family and me of major building projects they had accomplished down there; now, I saw additional photos of friends who had visited and some other events.  Ah, how badly I felt to know none of us could afford to move down there and keep the property.  Dad had done such a beautiful job on the entire landscaping, installation of Mom's pool, many flowers in pots all around, fencing, etc.  I am at that age in life where the "family property" is now a huge sentimental need in my life.  I want my home up in Grahamsville, NY with our maple trees in the far back section of the field behind our farmhouse, I want those items and freedom to explore our NYC brownstone apartment once again, Mom's dwelling on the main floor as well as Aunt Margaret and Aunt Ruth's downstairs garden and apartment and the heavy gate on the side of the front steps through which you would enter if not accessing it from inside...and Mom and Dad's Florida home, although I think that one would be far too emotional for me after packing them up in 1997 with Dad trying to get Mother back North to my brother's before he died three months later. 

It is exciting to walk back down Memory Lane with Mother but she often has no clue who is who anymore until I help her reconstruct it.  That is excellent therapy recommended for all Alzheimer patients--keep their minds active and "connected."  We do have fun when hours later, the "name" or address or date will suddenly pop into her head and I rush to record it  Perhaps the Alzheimer memory has a "delay function" in these years?  Smile.

Questions that both Mother and I had about certain events in our past have been cleared up nicely with many of these photos, thanks to her disciplined habit of writing the name and date on the back of many of the photos before she or Dad got too sick to mess with it anymore.  I am putting all photos into chronological order so I can reconstruct more history about what happened when as my brother and I grew up or as Mother and her relatives moved through the war and post-war years.  For me, as a writer and researcher and teacher, this is a tremendous treasure trove of never-ending subjects to explore. 

For Mother, it helps her feel "in control" of her mind for a time when we review photos once or twice each week.  It must be horrible to not have your "bearings" each day, to not be able to remember your history so things make sense to you now.  Younger people have no idea how important these older photos are for comforting memory loss relatives.  Some day, they will know and understand.  Until then, be an advocate for elderly or memory-loss patients who cannot push to get these memories back to them.  It is really an important therapy for them.  I see Mother much calmer after these walks down memory lane, although it has surprised her greatly that she has no memory of some of the photos' events at all.  It is "proof," though and gets me as the caregiver off the blame hook.  Mother cannot dispute the proof in a picture that something actually did happen!  Smile.

I wish I had a good dictation device these days; it would be something else to record all of our comments as we look at these photos.  Neat things to remember.  I have notes scattered in her files about dates and names and events from her early years but to hear her actual descriptions recorded for posterity would be so much fun!  Here are some of the events Mother witnessed in her life in Manhattan in New York City; she lived in quite an historical era in our nation's history.

MAJOR EVENTS in MOTHER'S NEW YORK CITY DAYS:

Hearing Orson Welles' radio broadcast, "The War of the Worlds."  She knew it was a hoax.  Others in the city panicked.

Hearing or reading about Eleanor Roosevelt.

Seeing Charles Lindbergh fly over New York City on his famous flight.  Reading in the newspaper about his child being kidnapped.

Hearing Mayor Al _________read the Sunday Funnies on the radio each week.

Going with her best friend, Dorothy Coombs, to the USO dances where soldiers came in when their ship docked in the New York City harbor.

Seeing the sailors come home at the end of World War II.  The crowds in the streets, the confetti.

Remembering the long food lines during the War.

Seeing the ball drop in Times Square on New Year's Eve. 

Seeing a man jump to his death after the Stock Market Crash of 1929 in NYC.  Across the street from her brownstone apartment building.

She would have seen Radio City Music Hall being built, also.  I just heard about that history.

She did see the Empire State Building open to the public.  Her dad took her to the top of it.  It was just eight blocks from their home. 

Copyright by Dorothy Marie Kucera, Omaha, NE   11.11.08  Please do not use without my written permission.  Needs proofreading yet.

Securing More Warmth for Mother--Nebraska Winter 2008

After yesterday's fiasco with Mother climbing head down over the end of the couch, I had my husband scurry into her bedroom while she watched TV last night, bring her long see-through bin of clothing to me in my bedroom so I could sort it while watching a program with one eye and taping it.  We have a "new" VCR from a few years ago that turns itself off every few minutes if you do not push the "display" button often to prove it is still recording.  The whole point of this clandestine operation was to remove all short-sleeved shirts and lightweight slacks from Mother's bin without her having a fit about "changing" something.  She has no concept of seasonal clothing any more and insists she is warm when in reality the Alzheimer condition has taken away her ability to sense temperature changes.  She got tired months ago of picking out and coordinating her own daily outfits, glad to have us take over.  That is why we had the long, deep clear bin.  Alzheimer patients have to "see" every single thing clearly or they cannot find it.  It worked well for two and one-half years, then everything confused her.  Too many variables in the bin, even if organized into neat outfit packs.

THE TEMPERATURE WAR:
All she knows is that "shivers run up and down my arms some times!" but she refuses to accept any explanations that it is due to lack of circulation or a cooling in the room, temperature-wise, usually due to the fact that she refuses to wear a sweater over a shirt.  It is getting harder and harder to protect her from lower temperatures, weather conditions, etc.  Everything we do now receives a complaint that she does not need it, that it is warm out, that she is not an invalid. 

Brain explanation of this accusatory behavior?  Once she begins repeating a wrong statement, it is like it is permanently "etched" in her brain and she runs it repeatedly all day long, like a never-ending loop. It is damaging to let her keep doing it because if she reinforces it too much, she REALLY insists that is the case!  I saw this behavior in my mother-in-law years ago, also; she would be very shocked when I would mention that she had just said the same thing five times in a row within fifteen minutes.  It would help her stop it when I "interrupted the circuit."  However, with my Mother, it may stop it but it creates an additional angry retort that goes like this:

"Then I WON'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL.  You don't listen to me!  I wish I was dead!  I'm sick of everything!" This is usually said right after I HAVE listened to her but she cannot remember it nor does she want to lose control of her former debate position in which she has dug her heels in deeply.  It is "Attack Time" and Mother never wants to "lose" any contest.  Kid gloves are the order of the day to settle things down.

Sigh.  It is easier to hear the wrong explanation repeated than to have her fly into a rage to be "corrected."  When I am feeling particularly strong in the patience and stamina department, I correct her to help her stop it.  It must be confusing to her subconscious to repeat something so many times and her new "Brain Fitness Program" does teach us that reprogramming the brain is important.  A caregiver just has to choose battle times wisely.

CLOTHING for an ALZHEIMER PATIENT:

I quickly made new "outfits" for her out of ONLY longsleeved tops with matching jackets or sweaters for winter "layering" warmth and then went into my former office where our file cabinet remains and I triumphantly pulled three or four large divider cards out from my "extras" office supplies in the front of one of those file drawers.  Those stiff cards worked perfectly to divide each day's outfits that comprise three pieces.  Since my husband is the early riser, he sets Mother's clothing out for her now and she gets a big chuckle out of whatever he gives her.  She loves any humor about men making mistakes and is quite the champion for them to continue doing so.  She really enjoys watching children or adults cause problems and chaos in a home, so in this case, it serves me well as the main caregiver to delegate this clothing assignment to my husband.  Mother likes to be surprised with "what he comes up with each day for me!"  Chuckle.

If I gave her any socks that did not match, she would yell.  When he does it, she is greatly amused, so it is a no-brainer as to who has charge of assigning all daily clothing now!  Smile.  It reduces the "discussion" I would have to do with her if I was giving her the clothing, so it keeps peace in the home!  However, since I had just reorganized everything, my husband may have a hard time figuring out my rationale of why I chose which top for which sweater, thus I had to put those big divider cards into the bin to be sure he gives the right trio combination to her each morning, so we had enough matching outfits for the week.  He was really pleased when he saw it last night.

Another problem with Mother's clothing assignments is that she will often suddenly change her top and toss the other one into the laundry just an hour or two after putting it on.  Not only does this cause "laundry" day to come around too early each week, leaving her bin empty but this is a situation where the control of temperature in the house is of paramount importance.  We are trying to save money on gas utilities while keeping Mother and I warm and free of colds or pneumonia all winter.  Not easy with Nebraska temperatures that often plunge from 80 degrees all the way down to 20 degrees in one day or back up again.  You HAVE to dress in layers in Nebraska so you can peel or add layers accordingly.  Getting used to erratic weather conditions was the biggest change in my life when I moved here long ago.  I never watched the weather forecast on the news until moving here when it became more of a survival and comfort issue!

I am trying to find a consistent thermostat setting so we are not jerking it up or down all day long.  Mother seems to like a bit cooler temperature but her lack of circulation does not support what her mind is always telling her.  She will insist she is not cold but when I feel the inside of her hands or her arms, they are very cool to the touch.  So it is a daily battle with her, this discussion of when to put on her sweater and/or a lap afghan that she has crocheted.

Today, though, is a VICTORY day on this Veteran's Day for us.  Mother's clothes are Winter-Ready and Mother is wearing a longsleeved sweater...withOUT her matching jacket.  I go out now to do battle yet again, her jacket needs to be on now, her eye meds must be given along with her diabetic mid-morning snack.  Lunch is two hours after it.

Copyright by Dorothy Marie Kucera, Omaha, NE  11.11.08  Please do not use without my written permission.  Rough Draft.

Mother Climbs Over the End of the Couch, Head Down to Floor.

Sigh.  My caregiving needs have escalated considerably with Mother, since her memory loss from Alzheimer's and lack of blood flow from her legs back to brain have deteriorated more in recent weeks.  Today, when I walked out to give her lunch, after having just been with her ninety minutes earlier, she announced to me that her heating pad "was not working."  She explained that when she plugged it into the wall, nothing had happened.  She was sitting sideways with her feet up, crocheting, a sure sign that her back was hurting.  Something I have taught her to do in recent weeks to provide relief.

I stood there in shock, then said, "Mother, do you mean to tell me that you climbed over the end of the couch to reach the floor outlet?"

Mother, now getting mad, noticing my shock and hearing my tone of voice that signalled she had once again done something wrong and was in trouble:  "You always pick on me!  I am NOT an invalid!  I just reached down."

#1.  Mother is not supposed to be bending down anywhere; it hurts her back something terrible hours later, which turns into massive whining about "I did not do anything; why does it hurt?"  Then, that situation leads to even more nursing care for her to relieve back pain.  Mother fractured her back a few years ago where she used to live; it is cemented together.  I never got the back x-rays from down there (probably now "archived" or thrown out, 4 years later) so the best chiropractor cannot work on her without those x-rays to be sure he knows exactly where the surgery occurred, etc. condition of the spine back then.  She has osteoporosis, also, so all of this back "treatment" to relieve pain needs to be carefully considered.

#2  Mother has such a rebellious spirit.  I am pretty sure she knew she should not try to reach an electrical outlet that was buried behind bins along with a very dangerous, high heat halogen lamp that she could have knocked over and set the house on fire.

I stood there, listening to her arguing, knowing it was pointless to say more about how her back would really hurt now...she had already denied it.  Instead, I put another twist on it to calm her down so I could have a decent lunch and card playing break with her.  I said, "Well, maybe all that twisting put your back into place again!"

That seemed to appeal to her.  The idea that being bad and taking such a risk would turn into something good.

Upon reflection, I immediately went to our house thermostat to turn the heat up one degree to 71 from 70.  Mother gets mad when I ask if she is cold, always insisting she is fine.  Her Alzheimer's has taken away her ability to recognize she is cold so I have to really monitor her.  She had a t-shirt on with a v-neck cardigan over it.  With poor circulation, that was not enough.  Leaving her alone for two hours after checking on her earlier, she must have felt cold and I think that what really happened was her new "idea" of warming up by plugging in the heating pad instead of coming to tell me she was cold or putting an aghan on her or putting on a heavier sweatshirt.

Reason?  When I asked if her back was hurting now, she said no.  Earlier, she said her back was hurting which is why she wanted the heating pad turned on.

While she was moving in the other direction to the table for lunch, I quickly removed the heating pad and hid it in the Nursing Supplies' hall closet so she would have to ask us for it next time.  I gave her hot tomato soup at lunch to warm her up.  I turned up the thermostat.

As I considered again, the small area in which she had tumbled or crawled sideways or however, over the end of the couch to reach that outlet which is NOT within arm's reach, and is tucked behind two large bins blocking on one side and the tall halogen lamp on the other side, I could only imagine how badly she had twisted her back.  HOW did she even do this?  I noticed that the heating pad was NOT plugged in back there, either.  It was on the other end of the couch. 

It should be interesting to see if she admits pain now or if the adventure scared her enough that she dares not say anything, lest it "prove" her guilt.  Mother is a handful of trouble with her independent, rebellious spirit.  I am wondering just how this will play out in her final days.  What in the world will Mother do next that hastens her death?  She is most fortunate today that she did not slip all the way over the couch, crumpled up with her neck broken, twisted in between the bins and the lamp.  That is why I PUT those things there next to her end of the couch, so she would NOT be tempted to go back there and knock over that tall lamp.  Halogen bulbs get extremely hot; you have to brace those so they never hit all the way down to the floor carpeting or hit any other flammable surfaces.

What a way to start winter with Mother.  She needs CONSTANT supervision now and there is no way I can sit with her all day and I know there is no "facility" that will supervise their patients as closely as I do mother the rest of the time here.  The way her mind reasons things now is dangerous, so it is a heads-up alert to me to realize things are not going to continue as before. 

Add to this the caregiving agency's abandoning us because they have no one willing to follow detailed instructions needed for an Alzheimer home where the patient has so many medical conditions with their own list of dos and don'ts.  The nursing supervisor visited us the other day for his "every two months required by State of Nebraska law" to update Mom's medical conditions.  Like a dummy, I gave him info written out; he did not even ask the usual questions and did not record anything in his laptop this time.  The girl who arranges for staff to come here has not called us once in two months after saying she needed to find someone else.  They just ignored us totally.  I suspect that the girl who schedules is a Generation Y who simply cannot be bothered to match someone for us anymore.  She did not like it when I had to cancel a very odd woman the last time.

Kind of tragic that these "caregiving agencies" staff members have never done any caregiving themselves; they get disgusted and irritated with real caregivers because we don't make their day "easier" by just taking anyone into our homes so they can cross it off their list.  I am wondering if I should speak to the owners.  Do they even know what is going on and how we are being treated?

In the meantime, we are saving a ton of money by not having to pay them.  I am feeling so much stronger these days, so it is a good thing, timing wise to be abandoned.

"O give thanks to the LORD for He is good:  because HIS mercies endure forever."  Psalm 118:1 (KJV)

It does raise a question, though, about what is really happening to all other senior citizens, perhaps home alone, with only these "caregivers" handling them?  These workers simply do not care how much work they make for the real caregivers when they take over at night.  They do not understand that allowing them to get sicker, missing something on the schedule, etc. starts a serious domino effect of more doctor visits, more analysis, more medicines or creams to correct things and worst of all, a ton of "negotiating" and explaining to the patient why more bad things are happening to their health.

The agencies provide these "care plans" that the workers do not even read when they come to the house.  They just rely on me to catch them in time to tell them what should be done. 

Sigh.  No wonder Mother is climbing over the couch.  Maybe she knows deep down that no one else on the outside world cares for her, so she instinctively has to do things "by self" to make it easier on me and not bother me when I am working in the other room.

Then again, Mother was probably bored and looking for something risky to do.  After all, she is the one who was on the top of their 4 story brownstone apartment building when she was just nine years old.  Her father caught her when she dropped a water balloon on his head from that high up, not realizing it was him.  She is also the one who used to skate behind big delivery trucks, grabbing onto those loose chains and letting them "swing her around the street corners" into traffic.

Will I survive Mother's adventures as she worsens?

Smile.

Copyright by Dorothy Marie Kucera, Omaha, NE   11.10.08  Please do not use without my written permission.

Copyright by Dorothy Marie Kucera, Omaha, NE   11.10.08  Please do not use without my written permission.  Rough draft.

Turning my Whole House into Art?

Have you ever thought really big, really "Outside the Box"?  Well, I have this intense surge of artistic creativity coursing through my veins in recent weeks, drawing sketch after sketch, trying to figure out the most cost effective yet aesthetic approach to covering windows that show to the outside world.  For artists, it is that time, where I "have to do" something major in art or I feel like I will perish if it does not "get out."

While pondering what fabric colors/designs to put on the back of our new "Warm Window" layered fabric on our sliding glass doors on the back of our house, I suddenly had one of those ideas that ranks up there with genius.  Smile.  Since I am from Manhattan in New York City, I suddenly recalled the famous department store windows at Macy's.  No one ever took me to see them, to my knowledge, when I was little and lived there.  Instead, I had to wait until I moved to the Midwest to view the famous Macy designer windows at Christmas time on television.  It is SO different from anything seen out here in stores and I loved the ideas that the Macy's designers used each year.  They would take a book title and show a scene in one window from that theme.  Another window would be some aspect of Christmas, etc. down the line of individual large display windows with colorful, animated figures moving about and all manner of delightful nostalgic memories flooding one's mind.  Seeing the famous Macy Christmas windows became a major event for locals as well as for tourists flying in to shop for the holidays.

WOW!  Could I do the same thing, switching out decorative looks each season on my windows that face the neighbors on the back of my house?  How could I scale it down to afford it?  How could I coordinate it with the color of siding on our house?  I drew picture after picture, also checking online for what fabric designs were availalble.  It had to be something to resist sun fading and wet, cold windows, although we have excellent new windows in this home that do not leave "ice" on the inside like in our earlier apartments.

So, I do not know where this will end but in this time of high uncertainty, threatening economic conditions and everything about to change again, I feel a desperate need to encourage ourselves and other people who walk or drive by our house or just look out their windows and see what is shining forth from our windows.  We need encouragement to get through each day at times and if all of us decorate our windows for certain holidays, why not do the same thing the rest of the year?

I am considering all mediums of art and design, everything from changing fabric designs that show on the outside of windows to lighted displays heralding the changing of the seasons to special flags hung from our flagpole that is attached to the only place we could nail it...our deck railing!  Little by little, I hope to get the job done.

Wisdom and patience.  I like that saying, "All good things come to those who wait."

Copyright by Dorothy Marie Kucera, Omaha, NE  11.10.08  Please do not use without written permission.  Rough draft.

"Warm Windows" to the Rescue for Winter 2008-2009!

I am so excited over my new "discovery" at Jo-Ann's Fabric and Craft store last week.  When the manager overheard me asking the clerks where to find foam and quilted fabric to insulate our windows better than just the triple layers of curtains I have up currently, she took me back to large rolls of the most incredible 5 or 6 layers of fabric called "Warm Window."  There is a polyester batting, a silvery aluminized (?) layer that looks like Mylar balloon material and other layers.  One side is quilted fabric of white or darker cream, the other side is the batting that is intended for your own interior design fabric to be sewn onto it.

We had a tough time figuring out the right measurements.  Laying my pattern board on my king size bed was not enough for measuring out 2 yards 6 inches of length on 45 inch wide Warm Window fabric.  It was so awkward to measure it down from the top accurately on both sides of the length; at one point, I was lying nearly backwards on the other side of my bed, trying to match sides, pencil mark it, then rule a line across to cut it evenly.  Well, no matter how straight it seemed, it was still a bit crooked, so my husband was on the floor after we hung it on our sliding glass doors in our kitchen, pinning up the too-long length.  Then I cut the second panel by myself the next day, deciding to not have so much bulk to pin up, measuring out 2 yards 4 inches.  It was not enough.  Sigh.  The good news is that it will be hidden behind other curtains that show on the inside.  We used Brushed Nickel 2 inch Clip Rings and it was very easy to attach. 

A fun thing I hope to do, money permitting, is purchase some colorful designed "Sun 'n Shade" fabrics that will be sewn to the reverse batting side of this material, the side that shows to the outside world, thus showing some color and bringing cheer to those who drive or walk past our home each day.  With such a bleak Winter forecast, we might as well coordinate the visual outside of the house look to encourage people.  In fact, you should see the sketches I made earlier with one idea about turning my windows into "Macy's windows" with seasonal themes!  Art has been pouring through my soul in recent weeks.  Another article will follow about this idea of turning the entire house into art on the outside.

RESULT?

I felt an immediate difference in warmer room temperature, even with just one of the two wide panels up on our doors.  VICTORY!   The goal is to try and turn the whole house thermostat heat way down or off, just running on oil-filled radiators for these earlier winter days when outside temps are not as freezing as in January or February during blizzard time.  I want to save money now because later, I know we will have to turn the thermostat back up.

Instead, "Late Winter" has descended upon us already with temps plunging from 80 degrees before the Election to 20 degrees each night now.  Yet I only have the upstairs thermostat on 70 or 71 degrees, realizing that we need to increase the downstairs oil-filled radiator temperature to keep up.  Wait till you hear what Mother tried to do today in another article about the "Couch." We have to be careful with medical conditions, so I am trying to find that perfect balance.

I was SO very grateful that God enabled us to find the "Warm Window" fabric and actually get it up on both sliding glass doors and on one of the bedrooms before these temp changed so drastically this past weekend.  My room is next but I feel badly that we did not have all of this ready before my husband just worked hard putting up freshly washed triple layers of curtains or draperies last month.  It all has to come down in order to attach the Warm Window clip rings to another rod with draperies on it.  It gets tricky because my clip rings' idea only works if you have other hooks on a drapery rod.  If my third layer are pinch pleat draperies, then there is no space.  At least, that is what my mathematically-challenged mind is telling me now.  I fear that I am becoming like those of the younger generation now; their "winging it" mindset is making me act impulsively, rushing things, assuming it will "work out somewhow" at the last minute.

Poor husband...he puts up with all of this wasted energy and since he has to make it work up on the rods, I am more than grateful that he has allowed me to have so much fun experimenting with all types of design ideas over the length of our long marriage! 

Now that winter is here, I have to admit that I feel MUCH cozier and safer with all of these windows well insulated.  When I really "grow up," maybe I can indulge in the luxury of taking down spring and summer curtain designs/lighter fabric and put up real winter fabric draperies with a different look for the bedroom each winter.  At this time, though, one set of curtains/draperies on each window has to stand bravely twelve months, year after year, with just one dousing in the washing machine or Dryel-dryer treatment once/year.  By other world standards, we are rich.  By interior design standards, we are tacky.  Smile.  I have one foot in the backwoods of Upstate New York where I was raised poor, having just orange crates for my nightstand and my other foot in the halls of the rich and famous and how interior design is "supposed" to be done.  I think my style defies the word "eclectic."  Hmmmm, what to call it, what to call it? 

Survival City Girl Decor.  Make the most of what you have on hand but add something new to class it up.  I know it will bug me to see the "unfinished" look and certain design elements missing but for now, putting food on the table is a bit more important than spending too much money all at one time.  I have never had that luxury of purchasing all of one "look" at one time. 

My only hope is that I can afford the new fabric needed to protect the Warm Window batting side of those panels already hung and actually pull all curtains off the rods once again to rescue these new panels and sew their finishing look material on, then replace them before more frigid winter winds try to punch their way through these barriers.

Copyright by Dorothy Marie Kucera, Omaha, NE  11.10.08  Please do not use without my written permission.  Rough draft.

"Constitutionalism -vs- Globalism is the Real 2 Party System for Election '08"....another Presidential Candidate

Charles ("Chuck") Baldwin has a website, running for President of the U.S.A. with the Constitution Party, also listed as the Liberty Party.  While listening to a debate between him and Ralph Nader on C-Span the other day, I was struck by the truth of his insight concerning the "real" parties in this Election 2008 Campaign.

He said that there is not much difference now between the Republican and Democratic parties; indeed, on his website, he clearly states that both of their presidential candidates advocate the same organizations, etc. plans all geared towards Globalism.  He said that there are only TWO national political parties:  those who are for Globalism and those who support Constitutionalism.  He gave excellent points in his debate and on his website, which I read earlier today.

He is a Baptist pastor with no seeming political office credentials but he has participated in several organizations.  I could not help but wonder if the media had been fair in earlier months, would he or Ralph Nader have drawn larger crowds of supporters?  Ralph Nader had mentioned that the mainstream media refused to give him any national television air time.  Finally, they were on C-Span, when it is probably too late to make a difference.

Add to these debate points the long C-Span presentation by Senator Chuck Hagel, sitting with former Governor Bob Kerrey, on November 1, 2008 (doublecheck that date; was it a live presentation on the 1st?)  Senator Hagel said that it is nearly impossible now to separate Globalism from anything done in this nation; it is so entangled in every aspect of life, even in Health Care issues, especially since the recent Financial Collapse of banks with Europe now planning on controllilng the financial institutions (Dr. Jack Van Impe showed those headlines this morning on Sunday, 11.2.08)  Senator Hagel explained the ramifications of recent decisions by the U.S.A. and other nations to turn bank control over to international organizations.  He said that we will be seeing "radical changes" in the healthcare and insurance industries in order to accommodate all of those recent changes.

So, it seems to me that there is no way to regain our Constitutional rights; we have been sold out to foreign nations and the next President needs to be very wise about how he rescues or salvages what is left.  What would happen if Presidential Candidate Charles Baldwin won?  Would he be able to get Congress to change the laws to regain our rights?  Would he be able to reinstate our own manufacturing companies in this country, bringing everyone home?

I have been monitoring the news so closely for a long time now.  Not one mention on television news three times daily about "Chuck" Baldwin even running for President much less the other independent candidates is a serious concern.  It makes me mad how political campaigning is so out of balance in this nation; every candidate should have equal time on the most-viewed television stations.  It should not cost millions of dollars to run a half-hour ad or presentation.  This is information needed by all voters to give clear understanding of issues and personalities.  It should be free.

I am SO sick of hearing the negative ads that show such poor logic, are taken out of context or are outright lies.  How do you expect any voters to enthusiastically support  candidates when they have no idea who to trust?  Yet I fear that additional candidates might cause a bigger problem, taking votes away from the larger party candidates, who do seem to have more experience to step into such big shoes as that of the President of the United States of America and the Vice-President.  Yes, this IS a huge, historical Presidential Election.

May God cause people and the Electoral College to truly vote for ones who will restore our Constitutional rights.  I do not know how that can work in a Globalism economy but surely someone could figure it out?

11.3.08 by Dorothy Marie Kucera

Mother Having a Fit Over Vision Loss

Life is getting so hard for Mother because she absolutely refuses to accept her loss of vision and increased Alzheimer confusion with regard to her crocheting or knitting.  Vision comes and goes so it is hard to plan anything.  One day she can see old photos just brought by my brother with her large lighted magnification headset.  Other days, nothing works.  Mainly, though, Mother is highly impatient AND has never been told "No" throughout life, so she sees no reason why she should explore ANYTHING new to compensate or help improve her vision.  She fights the large magnification light with neckstrap.  She fights every new activity yet goes on and on about how bored she is with just playing cards and crocheting.  She assaults me verbally with nonstop negatives, whining, complaining, mad that she cannot do what she has always done, just plain mad and looking for someone to take it out on when they dare approach her in the living room.  Discussing her negativity and a better way to contentment results in another verbal lashing.

Losing something is known as Grief reaction and that involves five stages.  Denial of the condition, bargaining, anger, acceptance and I can never recall the fifth one.  Will Mother stay in "anger" forever?  I kind of think so...with the Alzheimer confusion and personality tendency to never let anything stop her from what she wants to do, this is a bad, bad situation.  She is making it harder on herself.

I have noticed that after trying to help her switch to something more successful, it works best if I just leave the room.  Then she at least calms down, no longer working herself up to fever pitch.  Another thing that often helps is the medical treatment which is usuallly confusing to narrow down.

While she is yelling loudly, she distracts me from thinking.  She pushes so many hot buttons by accusing me, attacking all helpful suggestions, making you repeat the same thing five times in every category, etc. that I have trouble recalling the ROOT CAUSE of WHY she cannot see well at that moment in time.  What is needed are the following Checklist items, posted in huge print on the WALL in front of her and where I can see it to snap me away from her tirades:

1.  Get her feet up on the couch....the lack of blood flow to the heart and then up to the head and eyes is one thing that was explained to me as part of a triad of reasons why vision blurs out in her.

2.  Give her the homeopathic "mental sharpness" remedy.  This helps defeat the Alzheimer confusion with her brain telling her she is seeing something not really in the crocheting or making her forget how to knit or crochet so the scarf does not narrow down to abnormal appearance.

3.  Rub homeopathc ointment around the outside of her good, right eye....to stop the bleeding if her macular degeneration is worse at that moment.  Bleeding in the eye causes blurred vision.

4.  Did we give her the needed eyedrops of three other types throughout the day?  I notice improvement over the Muro 128 that another eye doctor recommended, stating that she is on so many drops that she has TOO much fluid in the eye and Muro 128 helps remove excess eye drops.  Sigh.  If she did not have that stupid corneal transplant, life would be so much easier for her.  I would have been able to give her another homeopathic remedy that is really good at saving vision but in Mother's case, it improves the immune system so much that the body wants to reject the cornea transplant (which has failed anyway.)

5.  Consider how long she has been working on just one project.  Offer another choice.  To that end, I have made a large print chart with ten other activities Mother can do.  The only problem is that I have to sit right with her to do it, so I now schedule an hour each morning and another half hour in the afternoon to "work" with her or else she gets too confused to do it.

6.  Just sit quietly at my laptop computer in that living room area.  It is quite difficult for me to concentrate on anything with another person in the room, especially if Mother is chatty, but on her better days, I notice that she seems to feel safer with me right in the room to interpret things for her limited vision and mental acuity...so much so that she gets very quiet and does not bother me while I am "working."  She respects work.  I put headphones on whether I need them or not as a visual cue to her that I am working, unable to hear her as well.

These are very long days now and what does a Caregiver do when every one of the above attempts fails at times or else you cannot even recall what could work instead of just the irrational "conversations" that are only negative and argumentative in nature?  Mother sucks you into a fight in a major, major way until I am so exhausted that I run to "Comfort food," in this case, a whole sack of Vermont Country Store's wonderful chocolate NonPareils and another sack of pumpking-shaped Mellowcremes from vintage candy days.  Or I will take spoonfuls of Feta Cheese crumbles.  None of these things are good for my kidneys nor my asthma but my, how comforting they seem to be.  Something I can do for "myself" in quiet defense after Mother has torn my soul to shreds in less than fifteen minutes, sometimes.  So I noticed the other day, with great shock, that my delightful great weight loss over the summer had suddenly been replaced by a very wide image in the mirror.  "Where in the world did those inches come from?"  Well, without eating much protein, I am hungry and the consumption of just Carbohydrates, Fats (the cheese) and Sweets was doing me in rapidly.  My doctor helped me two months ago, identifying that the sweets had triggered a Candida Yeast infection when I mentioned how much I was CRAVING sweets.  I notice immediate improvement in the appetite when I take one Enterobiotic to replace "good bacteria" in the intestine.  Remembering to take it amidst Mother's many demands and tirades and laments is the hard part (her complaints, rightfully so...I do understand how hard it is...I have been blind three times and it is miserable.  You sit there, not knowing what to do when your eyes do not work.)

I  just wish Mother had taken psychology years ago to understand why she is lashing out at me all the time to regain control of her eyes but she hates learning. It would help so much if she could understand that all of her thrashing about in the stall of life, like Sea Biscuit did before he learned creative alternatives, is just making it worse for her. 

My husband is able to stop her somewhat better than me..she listens to men and subdues her tirades better.  I heard her arguing with him today about why she refused to stop worrying about something that was not necessary.  He flat out said "What did I tell you?"  She replied and he responded, "And you are not doing it, are you?"  She was not ready to stop fighting and said, "You just can't turn it off (worry and verbally saying it over and over in a loud way) but I noticed that she lowered her voice while saying it.  Chuckle.  He was getting through to her.  Then, he took courage and added, "Because you do not WANT to, do you?

Mother was quiet, either pondering that intense rebellious spirit of hers or perhaps giving up the fight, saving it for me after he leaves for work.   She does light into me after he leaves the room at times and I have come to consider it a "compliment," knowing that patients feel confident enough in their main caregiver to whine more loudly to them, thinking they can solve all things.

One point of humor:  today, while helping Mother do her "Brain Fitness" computer therapy for her brain to be reprogrammed or at least not worsen too much, she began clicking the mouse too fast, exiting the screen just after I had gone through several steps to set it up for her.  I said, "Mother, you have NO patience!" 

She replied, "I'm not a doctor."  (thus she has no "patients".)  We laughed and she was very triumphant that she had made such a good retort.

The woman is wearing me out but we have a good thing going with her once/week showers and in-between sponge baths now.  After her showers, which she always hated when the agency girls came to do it, after she is dressed with her hair dried and pulled back...she always gives me a BIG HUG now.  That so surprised me the first time she did it.  Somehow, it communicates to Mother that I really do care for her and she is glad.

These are the worthwhile moments in every caregiver's exhausting journey, along with a wonderful older sales lady at Von Maur's store on Saturday, who not only helped me tremendously but who listening sympathetically as I briefly whined for two minutes about never being able to get out for fun anymore, no vacation for seven long, long years and looking just terrible in what I wear now, even with a crooked hair cut.

I know I will miss this daily interaction with Mother someday but I am just hoping I outlast her.  At this point, as feisty as she is, it does seem like she will live to be 106 years old, long after both my husband and I are buried.

Mother is STRONG.

Copyright by Dorothy Marie Kucera, Omaha, NE   11.3.08  Please do not use without my written permission.  Rough draft.  Seeking publisher.